Fallen From Disgrace
by LAURAxZABUZA
Summary: Sebastian realizes he is in love with Ciel, and Ciel feels the same. But the Demon cannot have anything to do with him which leaves the Earl to seek out love elsewhere...but his demon is never far behind. YAOI. spin-off from "By Your Side"
1. Prologue: By Your Side

**Note: if you have read "By Your Side" this, the prologue, is the exact same thing. You can go ahead and continue to Chapter One.**

**..**

**..**

Ciel Phantomhive felt the smooth, cold skin of his butler's hand caressing his face. It could seen cruel that he was dragging this last moment on as he were, but the boy did not think of it that way. He savored it. The last moments of his tortured life and Sebastian was honoring them…not dangling them in front of the child's eyes as a thing he could no longer have.

At last he felt the man…no he was no man…bring himself closer to the boy. Ciel could feel his breath on his lips. His eyes remained closed. As courageous as the boy had been these last years, he could not face his demise outright.

The butler's hands tightened on his shoulder as he brought his face to the boys at a painfully slow pace. At last their lips touched. Ciel felt a shiver run through him, his eyes stung (Damn it all, he would not go out crying!), and he braced himself for what he had been told was a very painful process.

Suddenly Sebastian forced his mouth onto the boy's. The force was enough to draw blood from Ciel's lips as the demon grabbed him by his hair and pulled him even closer. Ciel would have never admitted it but he let out a small yelp…a childish sob as he knew his life was about to be taken.

But…no.

Something was off.

Sebastian was…kissing him?

This could not be. But…yes it was. Ciel felt the butler massaging his mouth with his own. His tongue played with Ciel's own frozen muscle. Ciel's eyes opened wide, the inverted pentagram on his right pupil burning brighter than ever. After the initial shock was over he relaxed. Ciel even wrapped his arms around Sebastian's shoulders and attempted to kiss back…though he realized how obviously pathetic it was. After a minute the demon pulled away leaving the young earl breathless.

"S-Sebastian! What are you doing?"

The demon stared into the confused, flushed face of what was supposed to be his meal. The gentle features captivated him. From the boy's watery eyes, to his petite nose, to his supple lips all framed by the softest, round, childish cheeks…everything was utterly beautiful to Sebastian.

He sat back in utter silence taking in the boy's beauty.

"Sebastian I asked you a question!"

"What am I doing? Why I am looking at you, My Lord."

"That is not what I meant! Why are you not devouring my soul?"

"Well, My Lord, I have decided that I am not quite ready to claim your soul…or, more accurately, I have now claimed it but separating it from your body is no longer on my agenda."

"B-but…"

"Now now…You no longer have say in the matter. Remember, I now have your soul and body as my own." The boy trembled slightly, he was utterly speechless. "Besides, you amuse me Ciel Phantomhive. I believe my world without you would be quite dull indeed." With these words the demon scooped up the boy. He paused for a moment, savoring the look in Ciel's eyes then began walking further from the river.

"Sebastian, where are we going?"

"It does not matter as long as we are side-by-side, My Lord."


	2. Chapter One: Awaken

Ciel awoke. He looked around and quickly realized he was in his townhouse in London. He sat up slowly.

_Was everything that happened…a dream?_

There was a light knock at the door and Sebastian let himself in holding a candle. "My Lord, I thought I heard you stir. Might I get you something?"

"Sebastian…what happened?"

The demon smiled, "You awoke, My Lord. You have been sleeping since this time yesterday…nearly to the hour."

He wanted to tell Sebastian that wasn't what he meant but he was surprised to hear he had slept that long. He turned and put his legs over the edge of the bed. Sebastian hurried over and placed his master's slippers beneath his feet and set the candle down to grab his dressing gown. Ciel put it on numbly.

"My Lord, shall we get you dressed? Or perhaps just a glass of water then you can return to bed till morning?"

"No, I am too awake already though a glass of water sounds good."

"Right this way, My Lord. You must be careful the hall is dark."

Ciel watched him move with the candle, the flame flickering slightly. Suddenly an image came to him. London…all of London was aflame. It felt more than a dream. He could nearly feel the heat of the flames all around, the feeling of despair and yet determination.

He stopped.

"My Lord?"

Ciel rushed to the curtained window. He grabbed hold of the thick maroon curtains and pulled them aside swiftly.

The moon illuminated a still city. The carcass of a city. Some buildings, his own included, were intact but the majority were gutted. Charred brick and wood were strewn in the streets and there were still men on the streets picking through the rubble, piling bodies in the gutter.

Ciel swallowed slowly, his small hands slid down the curtains. He was nearly trembling.

It wasn't a dream.

Suddenly a large, cool, gloved hand covered his own. Ciel spun around, tearing himself from Sebastian's grip. He slammed his back against the window, his eyes wide he was breathing heavily…nearly hyperventilating.

Sebastian held out his hand, "Perhaps you should go back to bed."

He shook his head.

_This isn't real. It cannot be real! If all that happened then I should be dead! WHY AM I NOT DEAD? DID SEBASTIAN NOT DEVOUR MY SOUL?_

Ciel rushed past his butler and out the door, down the stairs and to the front door.

_I imagined it. Surely it was the shadows playing a ghastly trick on my eyes._

He threw open the door and stepped out onto his stoop. He descended the four short steps and onto the street. For a moment he didn't see the men and the rubble and he nearly breathed a sigh of relief.

"Boy, you shouldn't be out here." He turned to see a man, his face and hands filthy. He was dragging a stiff and burnt corpse.

Ciel staggered backwards until he stepped on something that nearly made him trip. He looked down to see the awkwardly bent arm of a corpse. He sprang away from it so fast he tripped over his own feet and would have fallen right on his ass if two strong arms had not caught him.

Sebastian pulled him up and set him back on his feet. "My Lord, I must insist you come back inside." He held out his hand and this time Ciel took it. Sebastian led Ciel, who was in somewhat of a daze, back into the house. He led him into the dining hall and sat him down at the head of the table. "Please wait here while I go get you something to drink." Sebastian left him sitting there stunned.

When he returned Sebastian knelt beside his master and offered the drink to him with a smooth smile.

"You have had a trying life, if I may say so My Lord. Please, try and relax now," Ciel looked down at him. He took the glass slowly.

Another vision…no a feeling.

Sebastian's mouth…his skin. Cool and elegant. A kiss. It was supposed to be death but turned into…something else.

He stared down at Sebastian now. And he merely looked right back with those piercing red eyes. Slowly, so painfully slow, Ciel reached out his hand. His fingertip touched Sebastian's cheek, their eyes never wavering from one-another. Two, three, four fingers, he had Sebastian's cheek cupped in his hand. He slid his small, delicate hand across the impossibly smooth skin.

"Sebastian…" He did not know what to say.

Sebastian reached up and took Ciel's hand in his much larger one. He slowly brought it to his lips, his crimson eyes remained fixed on Ciel's deep blue ones. He paused, his lips a whisper away from the pale, thin skin of Ciel's hand. At last he pressed his lips to his hand.

Then his lips parted and a sharp tooth pierced the skin.

Ciel gasped and he winced slightly but his eyes remained unwavering. Sebastian ran his tongue over the cut, a truly devilish look in his eyes. He parted with another kiss to his master's now marred flesh then pulled back, folding his other hand overtop Ciel's, encasing the boy's hand with his own.

Ciel shivered.

…

..

…

.

.

**Well what do you think of that? A little teasing perhaps but you can deal with it *wink***

**Please review…I really can use the feedback!**

**Love,**

**-Laura**


	3. Chapter Two: Already Gone

Slowly everything was returning to Ciel. Every memory of what happened before he awoke last night.

The angel was dead along with the queen.

London burned.

Plu was dead, his servants displaced.

And Sebastian spared him. More than that he kissed him. He quite nearly professed his love for the young Earl but now acted like nothing happened. He did not even acknowledge the fact that he had upheld his end of the bargain.

Everything was how it had been…or at least as close as possible.

When he was ready Ciel was bathed and clothed. Sebastian fixed him breakfast and tea. He tidied up the townhouse, he continuously checked on Ciel, offering him tea or something to read. Ciel merely say at his desk, chin resting on his hands, deliberating what could come next.

"_...you amuse me Ciel Phantomhive. I believe my world without you would be quite dull indeed."_

He had said that...but what had Sebastian meant? Was sparing him, keeping him here, everything he had done...was it merely for fun? The demon amusing himself at Ciel's expense?

"_It does not matter as long as we are side-by-side, My Lord."_

Or was this something else? Did his butler...

Had Sebastian...

...fallen in love with him?

Ciel's pulse quickened at the thought, his thumb moving over the scab on his hand. He shivered, recalling yet again the sensation of the demon's kiss.

He could not resist also recalling the sensation of being close to Sebastian's body. Whether it was as he carried him home from where Ciel was certain he would die, or when Lau and the servants helped him trick Sebastian into getting his photograph taken, or any of the other many times he had been within such a close proximity of his butler.

He found he had enjoyed it every time.

Maybe he did not realize it then, surely there were more pressing matters on his mind, but now that his revenge had been exacted and his sole existence was to muse Sebastian, Ciel found himself recounting their every minute together. And out of all of it he found but one thing to be true…

He was glad to be here with Sebastian.

Yet there were so many things wrong with his feelings towards the demon, and what he assumed were Sebastian's feelings towards himself. For starters he was quite a bit older and a man. Or was he? Do demons truly have genders or was this merely a form he took due to what Ciel wanted? Then, on subconscious level, had Ciel wanted him all along? And what of the fact that he was a demon? Sebastian is not human.

Ciel shook his head. He needed to clear his thoughts, he needed to look at the facts slowly and one at a time and now he was still too baffled by recent events to do so properly.

Perhaps a walk about the house will help. Ciel got up and opened the door. Sebastian was just outside, causing Ciel to jump…though could he have really expected not to find him there?

"My Lord, is there something you needed?"

"I just want to take a walk."

"Shall I accompany you?"

"No I need to be alone," Ciel's eyes met with his for just a moment before he turned and hurried down the stairs to wander aimlessly from room-to-room.

Sebastian watched him go. He stood absolutely still, his handsome face was expressionless. Little did Ciel know but the demon had been contemplating nearly the same thing he had. Sebastian had decided that as a demon he had failed his purpose, the stealing of human souls. As a demon he is supposed to strike a bargain with the pathetic human inhabitance of this world, doing petty deeds in exchange for their everlasting soul, robbing heaven of the precious bounty. He had fulfilled Ciel's task but had not collected. The mere thought that this may because he had attained some human-esque emotions for the boy was utterly disgusting.

_I need to wash my hands of this child…that is all I can do to keep myself from falling into further shame. _

As it was, he could not bring himself to devour his soul. And it was such a perfect soul, yet he should take it. It was shameful that he could not do it.

Sebastian loved every hue of Ciel's soul, as dark as it was.

When Ciel was ready for bed, rather early and after eating only a light dinner, Sebastian undressed him, bathed him, dressed him in his night-clothes, and put out the candles. Ciel lay staring at the ceiling for what must have been hours. But at last sleep took him.

In the morning Ciel awoke to a somewhat ominous feeling. It was an empty dread that felt much too familiar.

"Sebastian!" He sat up and stared expectantly at the door. He should not have had to call. "SEBASTIAN!" Either the demon was toying with him…or it had happened again.

Ciel got up and threw open the door.

_Why? Why did he leave this time? Why now?_

"SEBASTIAN!" He called out in vain, his cheeks flushing slightly. He was on the edge of despair.

Suddenly he heard something down below, at the bottom of the stairs. Feet hurried up the steps, but this surely was not Sebastian! The steps were too clumsy and loud.

Suddenly a familiar bespectacled face appeared.

"Oh sir good morning! Could I get you anything? Sorry I am just happy to be back!" The young woman was talking at a mile per minute.

"M-Mae-rin?" Ciel stared at her in disbelief. "Are the others here?"

"Oh yes! Sebastian came and found us last night, yes he did! Barldroy, Finnie and myself that is. We last saw Tanaka at the manor but…" she trailed off, seaming to lose what she was saying. Suddenly she spun around, "I am so sorry sir! Here I have barged up here and you are not properly yet dressed!"

Ciel just noticed his appearance as well. "Where is Sebastian?"

"He was not with you sir? Well I sure haven't seen him. Not since last night, I haven't!"

Ciel felt discomforted by her words but tried to remain indifferent in front of Mae-rin. "Well then you must help me get dressed Mae-rin."

"Yessir!"

When Mae-rin was finished Ciel was certain he could have done better himself. Still he thanked the excitable maid and excused her to prepare breakfast.

_Where could Sebastian have gone? Why has he left this time? Why now?_

Ciel, utterly perturbed, set about his new daily routine. He waited for his demon to return. Days turned into weeks so easily as London sprang back around them. At long last when he set eyes on Sebastian it had been five years.

…

….

**Okay it is pretty drawn out but we are getting to the "main" part of the story now. Taking place when Ciel is 18…starting next chapter, of course!**

**Please review!**

**-Laura**


End file.
